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- At the killer conference. knives, guns, drugs, poison, matches, etc. are in the minor league compared to Booze. 1
- Booze [the bartender] asks his customers "I don't know why they keep declaring war on us." Customers include cigarettes, drugs, pornography, fatty foods, campaign donations, guns. 1
- Hospital patient Brezhnev has China headache, Poland broken arm, Afghanistan foot, empty wheat production with alcoholic nurse and doctor. He needs to avoid stress. 1
- Panel 1-4. Colorado legislators are looking at different money-making schemes to fund education. Should the state promote more smoking...or more liquor sales....or topless dancers? No, let's fund education by getting people to gamble more. 1
- Panel 1. It used to be police chased after bootleggers. Panel 2. Now, police chase after cigarette smugglers. Panel 3. Soon it will be big government food police chase after fatty burger makers. 1
- Panel 1. Judge declares "Alcoholism is not a disease..." Panel 2. Judge continues "...it's more like a plague!" Shows car crashed into a school bus, many injuries. 1
- Panel 1. President Ronald Reagan gives a state keys to the car. States are mature enough to figure out their own speed limit. Panel 2. The president drives off with the state's highway funds. States don't have big brother's wisdom on drinking age. 1
- Panel 1. Teens walk by a Lotto store. They're too young to buy lotto tickets. Panel 2. They're too young to walk in a bar. Panel 3. Too young to buy cigarettes. Panel 4. Why are they old enough to endanger all kinds of people while driving a car. 1
- Sherlock Clinton discovers danger in inner city homes. There is no gun locks on a gun with a child in the home. Gasp! He misses the drugs, the alcohol, the rats, etc. 1
- The Colorado Springs City Council seems to be open to approving beer requests for the GOP events. Let's see how far they will go to approve more wild political party gatherings. 1
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